Also, there’s someone who lives in the building across from me who drives the Evil Dead car (the car that appears in all Sam Raimi’s movies). It’s pretty badass.

Not having the Internet yet sucks balls, yes, but at least I get to sit around and watch Disney movies all damn day and eat junk food? I’ll find a job next week, I PROMISE.

If only you had added a bit more wacky music and a few tuba riffs (whomp whomp), and perhaps a couple well-placed eyebrow raises from background characters, I think you could have had a very successful comedy on your hands with the Ninth Gate.

Half a bottle of wine and a pint of whiskey and I’m FINALLY feeling a buzz…what the fuck is wrong with me?!

Hint: a plethora of psychiatric meds and a lifetime of trying to cover up autism have made me awesome at hiding any other altered states I may find myself in. I was once tripping balls on mushrooms for fucking HOURS and my best friend (you know who you are!) had no idea until I told him that his face looked like a beach. I still don’t know what i meant by that, but i definitely remember saying it. That was a good Halloween. Remind me to tell you about it sometime, Internet.